Thursday, April 14, 2005

Brother Spikey Mace of Mild Reason

A new religious terror group has emerged. In a field crowded by Islamic radicals, Christian Identity bombers, and of course the various cultists, who else must we fear? This the Unitarian Jihad. Their manifesto was recently published by Jon Carroll in the San Francisco Chronicle:
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary... We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with... We are Unitarian Jihad. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again!
It think the world needs more martyrs for moderation. I might even be willing to commit an act of reasonableness for this outfit; recruiters, feel free to contact me. Also, thanks to a loose coalition of affiliated cells, you can get your own Unitarian Jihad name. -Mithras, aka "Brother Spikey Mace of Mild Reason"


Blogger Matt said...

unitarians can do no better than "mild reason"? I thought they were fiercer than that...

12:57 PM  

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